On Angst

Dear Reader,

When I get angsty I like to write and wallow. A good salve for my baby anguish.

Dec 20th, 2024

I feel so sad and I need to go home and dance around because otherwise I’ll cry and shove my face into crab rangoons 

August 26th, 2024

Watch the earth. It teaches. With winter comes death. Spring rebirth. Summer hardship, fall bliss and then death begins a new. Cycles. with change comes loss. With growth comes shifting and discomfort. Let it happen. when you feel overwhelmed, breathe for 4, hold for 7, release for 8. Do it again. Once more. How do you feel? 

How you feel. 

It will change like the weather does, from one day to the next without warning (meteorology we don’t know her), as does everyone else on the planet. You have little control over how you feel. All you can control is how you act. That is literally the only thing the average Joe has control over. 

“Hey, average Joe over here who makes up stories that feed into an endless anxiety loop of people picking at your microbe skin with pokers enlarged by microscopes. In my head I am an undiscovered and deadly pathogen everyone is out to destroy. Lol.” 

You gotta stop thinking about yourself. Gently, carefully, kindly, let yourself go. Take a break brain. Please. 

May 3rd, 2024

A lot of times im waiting to be chosen

I don’t need to be chosen 

I can just be

April 4th, 2024

I am sitting here, too hot, stifled, knowing that my greatest enemy is myself and what a tragic condition that is. Reading my own words I feel like I don’t know her and yet I do. I want to be her and I don’t. 

I want to experience life, and I am not. Why? What is holding me back? Is it all habits? Is it something that can be changed or fixed once and for all? I want to be rid of this. Violently I wish to be rid of this. Yet wanting and experiencing are two things I trouble to join. I’m tired, as I have been all day, all week. Soured. I miss my joy.